The Ancient Art of Honoring Fathers

Tomorrow is Father's Day, and while most people are scrambling for last-minute gifts at Target, the Vedic tradition offers us something far more sophisticated: the ancient practice of honoring our Pitṛ — our forefathers.

This Sanskrit concept encompasses not just ritual observance, but something much more practical — how to deal with the complex reality of fathers, both living and departed.

The Parenting Your Parents Protocol

Here's what nobody tells you about growing up: eventually, you become the adult in the relationship. Your parents don't magically transform into wise sages just because you hit thirty. They remain the same humans with the same limitations, quirks, and blind spots they always had.

The Vedic approach is refreshingly direct about this reality. You're going to end up parenting your parents. Not because they're incompetent, but because consciousness evolves, and sometimes you're further along the path than the people who raised you.

This isn't disrespectful — it's just physics.

The Soma Strategy

The ancient texts describe something called "soma" — consciousness that flows. More specifically, it's the attention and positive regard we give to others. Since consciousness — our attention — is the most valuable thing each of us possesses, soma becomes the ultimate currency in human relationships.

Here's the algorithm:

Good behavior gets soma. When people act in ways that deserve positive attention, you reward that behavior with engagement, appreciation, and presence.

Poor behavior gets indifference. Not anger. Not lectures. Not passive-aggressive commentary. Just the withdrawal of attention.

Indifference isn't cruelty — it's clarity. You're not punishing anyone; you're simply not rewarding behavior that doesn't warrant the investment of your most precious resource.

The Difficult Exam Advantage

The Vedic perspective offers an interesting reframe: difficult parents aren't punishment — they're advanced coursework. The challenging relationships are the ones that yield the highest consciousness dividends.

If your father is easy to love, congratulations on the genetic lottery. If your father modeled integrity, taught you resilience, or showed you how to navigate challenges with grace — you witnessed mastery in action. If he's complicated, demanding, or emotionally unavailable — welcome to graduate school.

The more challenging the dynamic, the greater the opportunity for growth. Not because suffering is noble, but because navigating complex relationships with skill and grace develops capacities you can't acquire any other way.

Beyond the Body

For those whose fathers are no longer embodied, the Vedic approach offers a different perspective entirely.

When someone dies, all their stress disappears with their physical form. What remains is consciousness, and embedded within that is whatever knowledge and expertise they developed in thriving during their embodied lifetime. Think of it as their particular way of working effectively within the Laws of Nature.

Without the limitations of a stressed physical form, departed consciousness gains access to capacities it couldn't exercise while embodied. The practice of honoring ancestors signals your openness to receiving whatever wisdom or support they're now capable of providing.

This is what we celebrate. Not their personality quirks or unresolved issues, but their mastery. The specific ways they learned to navigate existence successfully.

Your father may have excelled at teaching you to think critically and question assumptions. He might have demonstrated unwavering ethics in difficult situations or showed you how to find humor during hardship. Those were expressions of his particular genius.

Even if your father struggled with intimacy or may have been terrible at expressing emotions, he may have been brilliant at providing stability. These aren't character flaws balanced by strengths — they are different expressions of the same underlying intelligence.